I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That accounts for only three of the penises
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
