I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
