Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
