Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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