i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
not ubering you a puppy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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