Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were trust falling into bushes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
