Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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