I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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