Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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