did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MIDGETS
????
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
