...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
