I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
