is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
