Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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