Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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