I swear she didn't look like that last week.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
