remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
