her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
