do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize