I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
