Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
