hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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