i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
