I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
