if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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