There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I love you.
Bad choice
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