I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
