I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
