I faked an abortion last night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
