i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
