You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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