Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
