Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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