i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
