Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
