sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
