So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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