u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
