I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
