Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
