if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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