Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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