Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
