When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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