Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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