He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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