My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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