youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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