he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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