I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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