i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
