apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My dick has a subreddit
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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