My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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