Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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