Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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