when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
