Your tits are I can't wait for
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
