So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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