I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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