so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
