I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
