let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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