I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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