My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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