Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
