I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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