Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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