You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
