The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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