another moral hangover. fuck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
