the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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