so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
