Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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